as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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