i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Randomize
