I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
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He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
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If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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