if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
