Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
