so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
