I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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