you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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