I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
