so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
