yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
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