Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
