So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
