Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
