Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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