I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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