I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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