I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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