I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
