New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
