I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
