I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Hello my rib-scented angel!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
