At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
