you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
