Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
Sheβs the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
