I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
