at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
