So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
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I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
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In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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