I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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