final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
