OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
