Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
