I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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