I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
