I want to stick my p in your. b.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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