I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
