I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
