I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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