I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Randomize
