I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
