Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
