note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
