Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
