saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
