maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
