Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
