Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
