did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We just shotgunned beers for America
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
