and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
