Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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