I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
