he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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