I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
