I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
