remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
