how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
