We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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