$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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