i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
