Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
