Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
