call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize