I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
