Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
