Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
