I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
