so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
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Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
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I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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