I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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