After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
