Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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