I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize