oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Randomize
