How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Even my vagina gasped.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
