I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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