I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
