Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Randomize
