i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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