He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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