At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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