Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
