he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
