So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
