cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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