Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
