Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
