It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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