I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Randomize
