god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
