my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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