this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
