Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
try to milk me bitch
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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