I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
