Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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