Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize