did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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