Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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