Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
is it fun? or sober?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
