im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
